It had been two and a half years of hope, prayers, tears, surgeries, supplements, and remedies. Late one evening the Lord answered my prayer. His words were certain and clear, “I am not going to say yes to your prayer because you have a purpose to fulfill for me.” Immediately bursting into an ugly cry, I began fighting what I had heard. I was in disbelief and not ready to accept what was.
After days went by God confirmed what he told me. I had a doctor’s appointment with my OB. This weird spotting was going on and I was convinced (for the 100th time) I was pregnant. A few days before my appointment, the spotting became a little heavier. As a woman over 35 with endometriosis, I play close attention to what is going on with my body due to the fact that heavy menstrual cycles and major pain is normal.
Feeling defeated, I slowly walked to my car to call my husband. “Nope, not pregnant.”
I thought that was the moment. Our moment. I thought after all the trials God was finally going to bless us with another child. My husband and I were on the same page with adding to our family and my daughter was praying about her sibling. It seemed as all areas in our life were straightening out and we were on the right track.
All but this…
Three days later the doctor calls. “Your blood work came back normal and you are not pregnant, do you have any questions?” In my head I was screaming, “YES!”, but I softly respond no and hung up. Confirmation #2. Just in case I didn’t believe Him the first time; He wanted to prove it to me. He gave me the closure I needed to move forward. “The answer is NO”.
So now its time to pick myself up off of the floor, wipe my tears, look up and get moving.
I was unable to birth a physical child but God did allow a beautiful ministry to form. After years of trying to conceive while struggling with infertility and healing from a miscarriage, He showed me through my pain, hurt and suffering I would be able to serve others and point them to Him.
Overwhelmingly thankful for the gift I have, my precious daughter Delanie Love. I know what it is like to long for something that may never come. Lose a piece of your heart and soul, and give up on the dream that once was. Praying for God to remove the desire and bring peace for a moment to end the tears and get a nights rest.
You may not be up for the task now but remember God is good and He loves you. I want to encourage you to surrender all to Him and He will make your paths straight.
I am praying for you ladies and your families. Hold tight, look up, have faith and don’t give up. Finish what He started.
Together We are Twelve 12 … You Are Not Alone.