New Beginnings By Becky Bierwas
As we near the end of October, I find myself in a period of reflection. October, for me, more often than not, has always been a month of big, new beginnings for me. With the changing of seasons, came many fresh starts and new beginnings.
In 2013, October held a cross country move to the country’s smallest state, where I knew approximately one person. In 2016, October had me traveling to Nashville for a visit, where my youngest son, Rhys, was conceived. Now, here we are in October of 2019.
While I find myself geographically situated in a part of the country that realistically doesn’t ever experience the true elements of Fall I’ve come to know and love, I still feel the same stirrings of transition, new beginnings and the tingle of excitement with what the “new year” might bring with it. It’s odd I suppose, to recognize your new year in October versus January, when most of the country does, and yet it feels so right. Transitioning with the seasons. ‘Falling’ into a new rhythm and routine on the tail of summer and the adventures it brought with it, while preparing for colder temperatures and a turning inwards of sort.
I have lived through 3 Octobers since Rhys died. 3 Pregnancy & Infant Awareness months. 3 Wave of Lights. The first one I was still so numb, only falling less than 3 months after Rhys passed. It took all I had to light a candle and I was somewhat aware of the online support in community. The second I was in a more supported place and attended a memorial and engrossed myself online in the posts, stories and plights to honor our angels. This year, I have stepped away from social media. I still attended a memorial, but like I felt in 2013 and 2016, I feel something big stirring; I needed to turn inward in preparation.
All of this to say, fellow bereaved parents to sweet angel babes, listen to your hearts and honor what they need. Always, but this month specifically. My hope and my prayer for you is that amongst this heavy month for us, which in essence is our every day, not just a month, is that you may find some ounce of peace and joy. That you can press into new beginnings, pray for hope and allow yourself to actually feel it and that as we continue to live lives worthy of our sweet children who have left us too soon, that we may do so bravely and boldly, heads held high, knowing they would expect no less from us, their warrior parents. Tasked with an insurmountable challenge of living every moment, day, apart from them.
With love abounding,